I just turned to my housemate and said, “y’know, we’d never know if we were haunted” because we have four cats between us, so every clunk, bump, and crash gets entirely ignored
and now I want a movie about a ghost becoming increasingly desperate to haunt a family but they have cats and so the poor dear goes completely ignored
I’ve had this thought before. My cats aren’t allowed in the bedroom, and sometimes I hear them try to come in and just shout “No thank you!” at them. How hilarious would it be if I was really yelling at a poor ghost, trying to spook me.
Between my cat and my ADHD (wait, where did I put my purse? Wasn’t just here? Oh it’s in the pantry. Eh, must be a brain fail. Again.) I would never know whether or not my ass was haunted.
I want to make you feel like a humid Southern night, where the Spanish moss drips from the trees like lace, and honeysuckle buds perfume the air. Sticky, glistening skin. Sultry and forever.
and fifty dozen mosquitos are sucking your body dry and cicadas scream so loud you can never sleep and watch where your honeysuckle ass steps or you’ll plant your foot on a pissed off copperhead
One person is from the south. One person isn’t. Guess which.
“I want to make you feel like a humid Southern night” is a threat
Don’t forget the owl screaming it’s ass off randomly because it found some ones fake owl.
That being said, I’ll take it all and more for lighting bugs and cold tea as the sun sets.
People who romanticize the South have never been here during the summer.
Good luck trying to sleep with all FUCKING YARD BIRDS SCREAMING
Also try not to drown in the constant 99% humidity that never goes down and never goes up to the point of rain you’re just fucking stuck in it, the AC does nothing and wildlife has eaten your garden
Look to your left there’s a full grown deer in your trash can
A possum with like 8 babies hisses at you menacingly and then plays dead
Toby Keith is there
Dont forget about the bold motherfucking parking lot birds that force you to swerve into other human beings in the walmart parking lot just to miss their fat asses
Or the neighborhood racoon that goes around ripping your trash open with its shitty little opposable hands and when you take your dog out in the morning its fat ass is there thumbing through the trash like he ain’t give a fuck
Or the sound of two dogs barking at each other at 2 AM because every dog lives outside in the south all of them always
PiraticOctopus 