Tag: THIS!!

Why Mental Illness Doesn’t Excuse Abusive Behavior

proudblackconservative:

edcynic:

Back during a time when my mental illness was at its worst, I was extremely emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive to my now husband, then boyfriend. Behaviors I would exhibit (and am not proud of):

  • Slapping him
  • Name calling
  • Throwing furniture
  • Guilt tripping  him
  • Shaming him
  • Becoming extremely possessive over him, checking his messages, emails, and becoming irrationally upset when he would communicate with any female
  • Become extremely resentful when he would spend more time with his family than me
  • Text or call him at inappropriate times and would become suspicious angry when he wouldn’t respond ASAP
  • Blame him for all of my shortcomings (if he wasn’t so _____, I wouldn’t behave this way!)

That’s just a SHORT list of the things I put him through, not even taking into consideration the eating disorder part of my mental health.

And to make it perfectly clear, there was nothing my husband ever did to warrant or justify any of my behavior. That man has never hit me, yelled at me, manipulated me, shamed me, called me names, become jealous, kept me from spending time with other people, etc. He’s treated me like a queen for the last 11 years, and it wasn’t until I did some deep recovery work that I realized 100% of my behaviors had all to do with me and nothing to do with him. I’m surprised he stuck with me, and although I am eternally grateful that he did, it took a long time for me to not only make amends to him, but to change my behaviors in order to finally come to a place of sanity within my relationship.

Here’s the thing:

Even though a large part of my behavior had to do with mental illness, my husband deserved 0% of it. Regardless if you are sick or not, your behaviors affect other people. If your illness “makes” you abusive, you are still abusive. If my husband decided to press charges for me slapping him in the face, telling authorities, “BUT I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS!” would not absolve me of the fact that I physically assaulted another human being.

People are hurt all the time due to the shitty things people do because of their illnesses, and they can’t just tell themselves, “Well, they are sick, so I have to deal with it.” or “I can’t let it affect me because I have to understand they are sick.” Like, no. People do not have to do that. They are not obligated to support and/or stay with you if they cannot deal or cope with how you act within your illness.

People are not obligated to be punching bags just because you are sick, especially if you do nothing to change or manage your behaviors.

T.H.I.S.

“I can’t believe you rebloged a post written by a ______”

icyarguments:

sleepyfuckups:

jetpack-johnny:

james-fergo:

lucywalcott:

People are so frantic to be progressive that they freak out if they retweet or reblog an otherwise good post, but it was written by the “wrong” people. 

Like people who delete posts they otherwise agree with just because the source of said quote does not live up to ones moral expectations. I believe it is called the Association Fallacy. 

For instance, I was nagged at on several occasions for retweeting posts on Twitter, not because the posts were incorrect, but because the posts I retweeted came from GamerGaters, even if most of the time, the posts had nothing whatsoever to do with GamerGate. I have some Twitter friends who like GamerGate, so what?

I believe this even if the person who’s post I retweeted came from anyone else. Any other type of group. I’d even post a post talking about an awesome videogame from a white-hating BLM terrorist. Because this is social media, and my liking of a post about an awesome videogame =/= I support everything that the person who wrote that post has ever and will ever do. 

Tumblr needs to calm some tits. 

You can not like a Nazi, you can hate their views and all that but agreeing and liking a couple of things from them does not make you a fucking Nazi.

even a busted clock is right twice a day

But what’s even more ridiculous is when the tweet/post has nothing to do with their beliefs (a joke, a random fact, a story).

There was a post going around awhile back, something about potato chips, but apparently was made by a neo-nazi. So of course someone had to make another post telling others not to reblog that post. I hate nazis just as much as the next person but… does reblogging a shitty humor post by them really do anything? The people who shared it aren’t suddenly nazis just because they thought it was funny. I suppose it will give people peace of mind if they’re not associated with them in any way, but not everyone cares that much about it.

Sometimes I get people telling me to take down a specific post because it was said by someone they don’t like. I’m not going to do that anymore. So please remember this post the next time you try and tell me to take a post down, because I won’t do it anymore.

The only time I will not reblog something from someone is if I do not like them personally and do not wish to support them. 

mypretty-floral-bonnet:

i see all these posts around here that are like “date someone who…” and all that’s fine and good but like i feel like they focus on cutesy stuff and leave some really important stuff out. so like yes, date someone who you can watch netflix with and pet dogs with and make waffles with but also 

  • date someone who will call you out on your shit
  • date someone who thinks the sun shines out of your ass, but also knows you’re not perfect and will offer the support you need to change and grow
  • date someone who doesn’t passively accept your flaws, but recognizes them and helps you deal with them
  • date someone who you can disagree with but still love and care for all the same
  • date someone who can understand where you’re coming from and help you through your rough times
  • date someone who won’t enable your negative, self-destructive habits and tendencies
  • date someone who doesn’t think “you’re perfect don’t ever change” but rather “i love you and will help and support you in whatever changes you need to make”
  • date someone who sees you not as a perfect lover but as a human being and who wants to be with you even though they can see all your faults

basically date someone who’s going to be with you, not just worship you. and more importantly, be this person for your SO. do not put them on a pedestal and call it love.

goodluckdetective:

Protect platonic male/female friendships at all costs.

Write them. Read about them. Demand them. Decide the Harry and Sally law of “all male/female friendships will become romantic” is a bunch of bull and kick it to the curb.

Screw the guy getting with his girl best friend being the end of every romantic comedy. Have the guy go to his friend for advice. Have the girl tell him when he screws up. Have them sitting on the porch when the sun sets, talking about their day. Have them hug and laugh, and shout for joy, and never feel pressured to bring them in for that expected kiss.

Not all soulmates are romantic. We should stop acting like it.

Hey tumblr!

almaoceanica:

crunchiest-crouton:

badsjw:

kxroberry:

prepdrama4:

thisisspinaltapprivilege:

rosenrot1:

distilledholes:

badsjw:

someoneintheshadow446:

may-davies:

badsjw:

I’m not a conservative by any means, but I think that tumblr needs to go back to some traditional values. I’m not talking about going to back to women not societally allowed to wear pants, I’m talking about basic things like:

  • Be nice to people.
  • Getting good grades is a good thing!
  • You’re not a cat hidden in a human body.
  • Going outside is good for you.
  • Being reclusive is not good for you.
  • Not everything is offensive!
  • Don’t use WebMD to diagnose yourself.
  • Being healthy is a good thing!
  • Needing trigger warnings for tiny things is a bad sign.
  • Not everyone will share your beliefs- embrace it!
  • Your life shouldn’t revolve around tumblr.

-Smoking is bad for you and doesnt look cool I don’t care what john green says

-having a mental illness is not a trend and is not fun

-being a little scared to ask a shopkeeper for something is not anxiety you little shits

-being upset sometimes is not depression you little shits

-school actually matters so try your best don’t give up on your grades just because someone on tumblr tells you they dont count

-having a happy and functional family and/or life does not mean you’re not allowed to be sad sometimes

-getting drunk to forget your problems is not a good habit

-cutting yourself is not beautiful or poetic

-you are not a special snowflake

Who the f#%@& thinks that getting good grades is a bad thing?!?!!?!

Not many people think it’s a bad thing, but there’s a line of thinking on tumblr that pretty much says that grades don’t matter. While grades aren’t necessarily indicative of intelligence, they still matter while you’re in school.

this is the dumbest fucking post. this is literally babying neurotypicals. like life doesnt already revolve around your nasty asses. self diagnosing is incredibly fucking valid as seeing that some people are poor and cannot reach out for help, or are refused it. otherkin has been a thing since the 70s, stop acting like it isnt valid, trans and mentally ill people rely on it. needing trigger warnings isnt bad. that called experiencing fucking trauma. having a mental illness is fun to some, if youre proud of it be proud!!! youre mentally ill and great!!!!! STOP hating disabled people. school isnt good for some. sorry ppl w chronic illnesses or learning disabilities, mental illnesses exist……and “special snowflake” is this 2011??? wash your ass and get over yourselves. yall are fuckin incredulous with this shit. “traditional values” eat my ass w a ladle w a side of coleslaw ya ugly cunt

“Mental illnesses are fun to some”
Lmao, you’re such a piece of shit.

Guess what? I’ve had trauma. I have “triggers.” I have disabilities. I have mental illness.

I’m not proud of it.

It’s not fucking fun

Get the fuck out of here you actual piece of shit.

Diagnosing a mental illness is done for the purpose of research/creating a treatment plan. There is literally no reason to self-diagnose. If you/those around you aren’t suffering from your mental quirks, it’s probably not a mental illness. 

Sure, triggers suck, and should not be shoved in your face rudely, but if you’re getting “triggered” by random little things, you should probably seek help because there’s no way that’s enjoyable. 

This post literally just started with people saying be nice to each other and take care of yourself… can we not turn it into another “omg this tiny thing is offensive to me if I twist it horribly into the exact opposite of the original meaning” Tumblr thing?

YES^

Exactly. A diagnosis is meant to be the first step in getting help. You can recognize that you exhibit certain symptoms, but the diagnosis is a tool used to identify how professionals can help you. If you diagnose yourself with depression, what does that do? How will that help you?

This is tumblr, of course someone is offended.

This is such a good post
There’s nothing offensive about it it’s so nice and then of course someone pulled out their ~problematic bullhorn~

Self-diagnosing has a place, but as a first step.  It’s like Step 0.1 in the sequence from “This is a problem maybe?” to “This problem is under control and is not running my life!”  

Self-diagnosing is good for things like

– Do I need to see a doctor about this?

– Do I need to see a doctor right the fuck now for this?

– If I can’t see a doctor for a while, what are some useful strategies I can learn to manage this thing until I can? 

Notice how these all result in eventually you go to a doctor.  That’s because important steps for managing most long-term physical or mental ailments involve things like prescribed medication (remember that OTC pills may or may not contain what they claim to!), physical or mental therapy that your insurance will probably cover, and potentially requesting accommodation at your job or at school.  All of these things require a doctor’s assistance.  

If your sequence starts and stops at “I have self-diagnosed as having Thing!” then you are Doing It Wrong.  If your sequence skips steps like “I have gone to a professional to confirm that I have Thing!” you are also doing it wrong.  Not because you need a professional’s seal of approval to officially label yourself as a Thing-sufferer, but because the professional is actually educated in this stuff and might actually be able to suggest something that fits your symptoms better than whatever you’ve self-diagnosed.  A lot of mental illnesses in particular can be comorbid or can present as something very different.  Professionals are hella educated at picking out the differences, and they can also help suggest alternative treatments if the mainstream one doesn’t work for you for whatever reason.  

The end goal of all of this is that Thing is no longer a major obstacle in your daily life activities.  This isn’t about privileging NTs or anything like that – it’s about being a functional adult human being who is able to perform all the steps necessary to take care of themselves instead of existing in the vulnerable position of relying on others for income, housing, food, and life care.  It is not “hey I have Thing therefore you should work to make my life easier!” 

Bottom line: there is a place for self-diagnosis, but you need to fucking follow up on it and actually find some way to manage your shit.  Not only does it mean you won’t be relying on others to take care of you, but here’s this: it will improve your own fucking quality of life.  Untreated mental illness <<<<<< treated mental illness.