Tag: important

Help For Men Sep. 1st

onemv:

I will post this list the first of each month. when reblogging please
check the upper right to make sure you are doing so as text and not as a
link in order to make sure people see the whole list. If you despise me
so much you cannot reblog it from me, feel free to copy and paste it.
No need to give me credit, the information spreading is more important.

As always if in an emergency situation call your local emergency lines, such as 911 in the US.

Rape Lines:

Men Specific-

Gender Neutral

Domestic Abuse lines:

Men Specific:

Gender Neutral

Suicide Hotlines:

Men Specific-Didn’t run across any.

Gender Neutral-

For members of the US Military. Please make use of Military One Source.
They keep the information private from your chain of command and can
provide therapy sessions and even relationship counseling.

If you would like to add to this list when you reblog feel free to do
so. I will try to include people additions along with credit each
subsequent month.

soleminisanction:

Tumblr’s starting to develop this really disturbing habit of calling anyone who screws up in an interpersonal relationship “abusive.”

Which. No. No, guys, that word means something very important, especially in the context of friends, lovers, and family. It describes deliberate actions taken to control the behavior of another, not the occasional emotional screw-up or unconscious personality flaw.

Please stop using it to mean, “character who did things I disagree with.” That’s bad of you.

Why Mental Illness Doesn’t Excuse Abusive Behavior

edcynic:

Back during a time when my mental illness was at its worst, I was extremely emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive to my now husband, then boyfriend. Behaviors I would exhibit (and am not proud of):

  • Slapping him
  • Name calling
  • Throwing furniture
  • Guilt tripping  him
  • Shaming him
  • Becoming extremely possessive over him, checking his messages, emails, and becoming irrationally upset when he would communicate with any female
  • Become extremely resentful when he would spend more time with his family than me
  • Text or call him at inappropriate times and would become suspicious angry when he wouldn’t respond ASAP
  • Blame him for all of my shortcomings (if he wasn’t so _____, I wouldn’t behave this way!)

That’s just a SHORT list of the things I put him through, not even taking into consideration the eating disorder part of my mental health.

And to make it perfectly clear, there was nothing my husband ever did to warrant or justify any of my behavior. That man has never hit me, yelled at me, manipulated me, shamed me, called me names, become jealous, kept me from spending time with other people, etc. He’s treated me like a queen for the last 11 years, and it wasn’t until I did some deep recovery work that I realized 100% of my behaviors had all to do with me and nothing to do with him. I’m surprised he stuck with me, and although I am eternally grateful that he did, it took a long time for me to not only make amends to him, but to change my behaviors in order to finally come to a place of sanity within my relationship.

Here’s the thing:

Even though a large part of my behavior had to do with mental illness, my husband deserved 0% of it. Regardless if you are sick or not, your behaviors affect other people. If your illness “makes” you abusive, you are still abusive. If my husband decided to press charges for me slapping him in the face, telling authorities, “BUT I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS!” would not absolve me of the fact that I physically assaulted another human being.

People are hurt all the time due to the shitty things people do because of their illnesses, and they can’t just tell themselves, “Well, they are sick, so I have to deal with it.” or “I can’t let it affect me because I have to understand they are sick.” Like, no. People do not have to do that. They are not obligated to support and/or stay with you if they cannot deal or cope with how you act within your illness.

People are not obligated to be punching bags just because you are sick, especially if you do nothing to change or manage your behaviors.

How Trigger Warnings Are Hurting Mental Health on Campus

tenaflyviper:

inuleeli:

saliantsunbreeze:

tea-rexasaurus:

colorsofsocialjustice:

I want every single person on Tumblr read this. This is important, this is what SJW are doing. It’s not just a Tumblr issue and that’s simply terrifying. 

– Emerald

I’d just like to add that this doesn’t condemn trigger warnings, it condemns the overabuse of trigger warnings which makes them appear defunct and take away the seriousness of their implications

Think people who self-diagnose themself with depression or schizophrenia because they think it makes them edgy or cool

It’s important that we be provoked.  The world is a dangerous and strange place and we’ve got to be able to deal with that.

If you sterilize a child’s environment, physically, they will form allergies to things because their body doesn’t know how to deal with foreign things being around.  Thus, if you sterilize a child’s mental environment, they won’t know how to deal with things that upset them or seem strange.  We are, as a generation, becoming ‘allergic’ to emotional response and the reactions are becoming disproportionate.

Social justice, at its nature, is a good thing.  Feminism, pro-gender and sexuality, and the push towards better understanding of mental illness are all good things that we as a people need to get a grip with and integrate into our society to be a better people.

However, this… dramatic overreaction to anything deemed remotely offensive, this hypersensitivity to concepts we may not necessarily agree with and at worst, the complete refusal to understand or analyze them, is dangerous and backward.

A phobia is not treated by isolation, it is treated by slow exposure and an acquired respect.  You don’t have to like things, but you do have to be able to understand them and be able to discuss and analyze them like adults.

The right to provoke intellectually, and to be provoked, is necessary to any artist, educator, scientist and thinker.  Because there will be times when your world view is wrong and there is no castle, no ivory tower of structured thinking, that is not worthy of being challenged.

I am now naming my blog Vindictive protectiveness

“It’s important that we be provoked.  The world is a dangerous and strange place and we’ve got to be able to deal with that.“

“A phobia is not treated by isolation, it is treated by slow exposure and
an acquired respect.  You don’t have to like things, but you do have to be able to understand them and be able to discuss and analyze them like adults.“

“If you sterilize a child’s environment, physically, they will form
allergies to things because their body doesn’t know how to deal with
foreign things being around.  Thus, if you sterilize a child’s mental
environment, they won’t know how to deal with things that upset them or
seem strange.  We are, as a generation, becoming ‘allergic’ to emotional
response and the reactions are becoming disproportionate.“

I just thought these bore repeating, especially the last part.  Unfortunately, the more “habitually offended” members of tumblr were likely very sheltered themselves as children.  These are fundamentally WEAK INDIVIDUALS.  They’re also likely to be very unsuccessful in life overall.

http://gmwilliams.hubpages.com/hub/Sheltered-ChildrenUnsuccessful-Adults

http://www.succeedsocially.com/relatedfactors

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15721/1/How-Overparenting-Affects-Your-Child.html

http://www.babble.com/parenting/the-case-against-sheltering-our-kids-too-much/

http://hellogiggles.com/bad-news-overprotective-parents-youre-really-messing-up-your-kids/

http://www.science20.com/rogue_neuron/dont_shelter_your_children_coping_stress_child_develops_resilience_and_emotion_regulation_adult

https://homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com/2013/03/16/sarahs-story/

We will never be able to “sanitize” society so that every individual is “comfortable”.  Why?  Because every individual is different.  You love big dogs?  Well, I feel uncomfortable around big dogs.  Does that mean that every large-breed dog owner has to keep their pet indoors where they can’t “bother” others?  Jesus fuck, no.  It simply means that people like myself need to just accept that big dogs exist, and try our best to stay out of/remove ourselves from situations they may be encountered in, while respecting the rights of the owners to enjoy the company of their pet on their own terms.

Similarly, no matter how much has changed, or how progressive we become, problems like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. will likely always exist, because flawed human beings will always exist.  Murder, rape, and other violent crime may plummet dramatically (which it has from decades past), but is also never going to disappear completely.  “Social justice warriors” and “feminists” never take into account that human beings are not a hivemind:  Violent human beings require many circumstances to come together to enable their creation.  It is not any one, single aspect that creates a violent person.  Human beings are like soup:  It depends on what’s put into us that makes us who we are.  Less carrots make a difference.  Spices make a difference.  Heat makes a difference.  Most importantly, the competency of the cook makes the biggest difference of all.  But, even taking this into account, a person could suffer through experiences that have nothing to do with their upbringing that cause them severe psychological damage:  Incidents that could not have been prevented, and were certainly never expected.  The world is not a “safe” place.  It will NEVER be a “safe” place for all people as long as all people are different. 

Our society is ignoring the individual in favor of pleasing the “moral majority” (i.e., the people that buy the newspapers, watch the news, and watch the commercials).  We as a species seem unable to accept personal responsibility, whether it’s for our own actions, or the actions of others.  It’s much easier to place the blame elsewhere than to accept that maybe some people on this planet just plain suck at life.  Likewise, people are generally uninterested in knowing how safe they are.  They don’t want to hear about positivity, because that’s not interesting.  It’s not thrilling.  Sensationalism sells because it is thrilling.  People seem hellbent on having something to be afraid of these days, and it’s not healthy.

Judging by their actions and behavior, far too many of these tumblr “activists” appear to be little more than spoiled, sheltered,
privileged brats that refuse to accept that the world doesn’t revolve around them, and that they have to share it with other people that don’t look, think, or act exactly as they do.

To avoid prattling on any longer, I’ll just provide a few more sources pertaining to these matters:

https://queerguesscode.wordpress.com/2013/10/29/why-you-shouldnt-be-politically-correct/

https://scientiasalon.wordpress.com/2015/05/28/the-false-dichotomy-of-trigger-warnings/

http://www.psmag.com/health-and-behavior/hazards-ahead-problem-trigger-warnings-according-research-81946

http://www.stirjournal.com/2014/09/15/trigger-what-why-trigger-warnings-dont-work/

http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-trigger-happy-generation-1432245600

http://www.anxietycoach.com/exposuretherapy.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11459387

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/anxiety/exposure-therapy-anxiety-disorders

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/phobias-and-fears.htm

How Trigger Warnings Are Hurting Mental Health on Campus

actualanimevillain:

sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.

“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.

“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.

when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.

if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.

you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.

Don’t Hit Send: Angry Emails Just Make You Angrier

vastderp:

jumpingjacktrash:

the-real-seebs:

hyperalice:

the-real-seebs:

Gosh, who would have thought.

Truth. I have lived it. Turns out it makes shit worse, who would have thought?!

I encourage anyone who is struggling with anger and sads to message a friend, (hell even message me, we will be pals) rather than posting shittiness online where it can come back to bite you in the ass.

This is why I spend so much time talking to random strangers.

it’s good to acknowlege your feelings and talk out your problems. ranting, lashing out, and sending anon hate are NOT THE SAME THING. neither is beating yourself up – that’s just turning the hate inwards. hate is a vampire, it’ll eat you alive.

anger is like a wild animal stuck in your house. if you pretend it’s not there, it’s going to eat your food and shit in your laundry until it dies behind the refrigerator and stinks forever. that’s bad. but playing with it and carrying it around by the tail and throwing it at your friends and family are also bad. what you need to do is look at it straight on, identify what it is, and then open up the door and shoo it outside with a broom.

this explains a lot about some friends of ours

Don’t Hit Send: Angry Emails Just Make You Angrier

sliceofphan:

br-o-ken-poetry:

When I was five, and romance didn’t exist, I was a boy, and I was friends with a girl, and it didn’t matter, because why would it? We did everything together a normal couple of friends would do together, until we grew a little more and went on to different schools and didn’t see each other anymore.

So then I was eight. I was still a boy, and I was friends with a different girl now. She was confident and clever and bold, and we played games together during the lunch hour and went to each others houses after school.

“You fancy her,” the other children would say. I’d frown, say of course I didn’t, and why would I? We were friends, and that’s all. So we ignored the comments and carried on as we were, until her mother wouldn’t let me go to her birthday parties, because I’d be the only boy, and that would be “inappropriate”.

We didn’t stay in touch after school. I cried, when she didn’t respond to my letters – because I didn’t understand. Years of friendship: did it mean nothing to her? And then I’d remember her mother, and I’d realise what the problem was. I was a boy, and she was a girl. That was all there was to it.

So then I was twelve, I was friends with boys because I was a boy, and I only wanted someone to spend time with at lunch. But according to them, every girl I spoke to was a friend-with-benefits, and eventually I drifted away from them because I wasn’t interested in talking about sports and sex and risk-taking like they seemed to be. Instead, I talked to girls.

So then I was fifteen, and my friendship group was entirely female. I got called gay, a lad, a player, and all sorts of other things by almost everyone: boys and girls alike – but I ignored them. I liked being friends with girls, so what was the problem? Live and let live, I thought.

So one day I invited a friend over to the fair in town with me, and she came, and we enjoyed the day together without any hassle at all. Going back to school, however, changed that.

“Did you hear they fucked behind the public toilets,” people were saying. “They went on a date together.”

I said that wasn’t true – I didn’t have feelings for her that way.

“But you obviously fancy her,” they replied.

“No,” I told them, truthfully. “I don’t.”

Shortly afterwards, the girls I was friends with all organised a party, which I wasn’t invited to.

“It’s a sleepover,” they said. “Girl stuff.”

“Oh,” I said. “Okay. Girl stuff.”

They used that expression a lot over the next few years. Trips to the cinema – going out together… And eventually I realised that I was an outsider. They didn’t tell me things anymore. I wasn’t let in on their secrets, and if I ever asked, I’d be told I wouldn’t understand – and it was inappropriate I should ask.

So I stopped asking, and my friends drifted further and further away. I never understood why I was an outsider, until I saw a picture of them at the prom I didn’t bother going to, because I knew I would have no one to go with. There were my friends in the pretty dresses I’d helped them choose, with a guy in the centre of the picture, in a smart suit and slicked back hair. That would have been me, if I’d gone. And it always will be.

And then I realised why I could never be as close with them as they are with each other. I’m a guy. And they are girls. It’s as simple as that. Guys never understood me being friends with girls, but that was fine, because the girls were okay with it. But on the day the girls stopped seeing me as just a person they could be friends with, everything changed.

And so here I am. I’m eighteen. I am not gay, actually: nor am I romantically interested in any of my friends. What I do know is, that we’re about to go on a group holiday together, and I’ve been told not to even come into the corridor outside their room whilst they’re getting changed, in case the door swings open and I “see something I shouldn’t” – as if I’d actually care, or be the kind of guy who watched for that sort of thing. And I’ve realised it doesn’t matter how nice I am, no girl is ever going to see me as an equal. I will always be a guy, to them. And they will always be a girl.

And guys and girls can never be “just friends”, right? There always has to be something more. Whether I want it or not, there always has to be that potential.

“Going on holiday with three ladies are you?” the ticket seller asked me. “Fair enough…”

And I said nothing, because I was sick of saying “not in that way”. I was tired of telling people that I wasn’t interested in the girls I was friends with. I was bored of trying to be seen as just a friend in their eyes, too. And if even they couldn’t see me as an equal, how could anyone else ever believe me, when I told them boys and girls could just be friends?

So don’t tell them my gender doesn’t isolate me. Because it does. And don’t complain to me about being in the friend zone. Because I’ve been fighting to get there all my life.

this was really powerful stuff 

“And don’t complain to me about being in the friend zone. Because I’ve been fighting to get there all my life.”

I love this.

the-real-seebs:

People talk about how no one is really much affected by the “X should all die” stuff, or “you should kill yourself you’re horrible”.

And I just wanna point out, someone I know has been in the hospital for a couple weeks now and the pretty direct cause of that is… people telling them they should die or kill themselves. Because it turns out that maybe most of us are too resilient for that to have much of an effect on us, but sometimes specific people maybe aren’t that resilient. Maybe they’re just already depressed. Maybe they used up their emotional reserves on dying family members or a nasty breakup. But whatever it is… Yes, really, some people are vulnerable enough that this can genuinely endanger their lives.

So, like. Y’all knock it off, ‘k?